I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
