Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
