He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
