Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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