Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
