Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
