Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
