just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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