i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
