We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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