i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Never underestimate the power of titties
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
