I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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