We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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