I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
