Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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