We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
