But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
