i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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