i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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