Are we in a gay sports bar?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
