i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
