Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
