That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
