she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
