I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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