Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
