This girl is more easily done than said...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
