first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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