Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
