I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
