I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
