I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
