My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
