My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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