I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
