I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
