We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
