Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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