I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we're so committed to being not committed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
