You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
