Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
