dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
