The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
