my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
