So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
