I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
