once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
