everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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