he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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