Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
