I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
