I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
